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Monday, December 30, 2002
Saturday, November 30, 2002
It's been a while fellows. While I'm waiting for my move to Live Journal instead of Blogger (HINT HINT KAI!!! HINT HINT HINT HINT... ah-hem), I've decided to at least post one more entry. Let's see. I've discovered a gem of TV (if ever such a thing is possible) in the form of a drama serial called Smallville. Lex Luthor rocks. Watch Smallville. I have not stopped smoking but it's 1 stick a day now. Though I have an excellent reason to stop smoking now. And it is not because of a girl. That is all you need to know. I learnt that Under the Bridge was NOT sung by All Saints and covered by Red Hot Chilli Peppers but the other way round instead. Apologies to the torso bearing ones. I like girls with braces. I find that they add that tinge of innocence and (surprisingly) confidence and cuteness in a girl. So straighten your teeth if you wanna nab me. I am so self-absorbed that I have typed 5 lines starting with the word ' I ' and I am even proud to say it. Apparently, I also like girls with that 'du lan' face. That kind of face that looks forever pissed off even though she's just not emoting. Like slightly frowned brows, slightly pouting lower lip. There is a difference between the throw tantrum face and the pissed off face. I like the pissed off one. Guess that explains a certain XYZ and the appeal she has on me. Weird I know. Braces and pissed off face. Wednesday, November 20, 2002
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
ave come on chris, u know better than i do that u'll NEVER QUIT SMOKING. u will forever lay victim to the advertising and psychological tactics of the tobacco companies. bwahahahhahaaaa. (a little reverse psychology there) Friday, November 01, 2002
I'm at home and the fag count for today is 1. I really have nothing of significance to say, yet I just feel like typing something out to the world. It's that bad. I don't know what it is that's bugging me. I just want to type whatever I am thinking of right now. This is indeed rambling. But I suppose even such random rambling has some meaning. And maybe, pretty soon, I will actually have something substantial to say. Or maybe not. Let me try a lil poem. I go through life everyday, Without making much headway. I look forward to the week's Saturday, But get depressed and sigh on Sunday. If only they would increase my pay, Then life will be better, I daresay. More money to spend at play, And fufill my goal of being a gourmet. But most of all, I'll need my fags ok? All the stuff about death of me, that's just plain cliche. Thank you thank you... I don't understand the point of that, but I bet you can take it to mean that I'm griping (yet again) about money woes. You wouldn't be too far off. Oh yea, just remembered. I managed to 'dian' (electrocute) a girl successfully today on the bus. I was sitting right opposite her, such that we are looking at each other directly. Anyway, to cut a long story short, she was doing that glance-and-quickly-look-away-when-discovered thing the whole time, after I *eh-hem* made my 'moves'. Trade secret, so can't reveal eh? But as I got off, she once again took a long hard look at me. Too bad she was too damn ugly. *Pukes*... Part two of getting to know me: Little factoids about the next messiah (don't I just sound like Francis Dolarhyde? I'm becoming!!) Fact #2 - I am a lazy person. Very lazy. So lazy that if I had not been lazy, I would be in England on a scholarship and shagging english babes everyday. Of course that could just be nothing more than an excuse. And even I believe that it might just be an excuse. But the truth is I am extremely lazy. Sloth. I can't bear to do anything that requires hard work. Unless you get me really interested in the thing. Which brings me to...... Fact #3 - If you get me extremely interested in something, I can just about do the impossible. Examples? Once I was totally immersed in the past time of playing a Yoyo (shut the fuck up before I get an interest in socking people in their faces) and within like 6 months, I was doing very nice looking and tough tricks, I was corresponding with a former world yoyo champion and the creator of a very popular line of yoyos. I was so close to him that when he came down to Singapore to promote the art of Yoyoing and his yoyos, I was right there next to him for all his shows. He would bring me around like I was part of his team, and I even got to know this cool Jap dude who's like the guy's pet student. I got both their signatures on me yoyos when the other kids were just relegated to staring at him. Also, during the few months I was interested in magic, I hooked up with a few cool guys, including the one and only professional illusionist in Singapore. In fact (and I'm not lying), David Copperfield's staff contacted me after hearing about an idea I have for an illusion. The guy I was directed to approach was Chris Kenner, literally the right-hand man of David Copperfield (the one that flies, not the one that sings). But he never replied me emails though his assistant did. Well... All this leads me to... Fact #4 - I am one fucking big egoistic, boastful bitch. I think Fact #3 proves that enough such that I don't need to do any more. In fact, I'm cocky, I'm arrogant. Why else would I go 'shoot electricity' at some ugly girl on the bus? It was for kicks really. In fact, I was trying to make her scared of me (use your imagination here, I'm not saying anything). For a moment there, she was. She got uncomfortable and started looking really... erm... uncomfortable. Then later I thought better of it and tried a different approach, which finally resulted in her taking that long hard look at me before I alighted. Too bad some old fogey was standing between us, cos I actually winked at her but she didn't catch it. Oops... There we go again, the ego and boastful side. Aesop's fables are just full of tales about braggarts like me who started of as a fat, happy rich king but end up eating sand and drinking his own pee to survive. If that's what you believe, then I have news for you. That's Aesop's fables. They teach what life is supposed to be. And if life is really like that, why bother to be teaching it? Mmm? I shall leave you to go ponder that. Thursday, October 31, 2002
Hey Buddy... my rare appearance here... but only to wish you all the best in stubbin' out the cigs. I'm with you, man... hang in there. PS: Biangz... you pian4 wo3! Say you only max out 3 cigs a day... *ahem* ~Kai I have an announcement. I am going to quit smoking as of tomorrow. At least I will be quitting till after Dec 3rd, where I will have my yearly checkup. I don't want the doctor to go, "Hey! Zuo mi orh orh eh? (Why black black one?)" when he does the ECG. So from now till Dec 3rd, everytime I do a Blog entry, I will include the cumulative number of fags I've had. The count starts from tomorrow 01 Nov 02. Mind you, on a normal day, I have 5 fags or more. Weekends, if I'm going out, I will have more. So it's going to be a triumphant event if I manage to go one month with zero fags. Monday, October 28, 2002
Today I bought a bowl of noodles to eat. I ate happily for about half a bowl before I fished out a boiled centipede that's rougly 5cm long and black. I'm feeling so poisoned now. I hope the auntie is happy to be facing possible manslaughter. So ppl, I might not last through the week, if you have something terribly important to tell me, say it now. It's a centipede, the kind with poison. In other news, I shall do a series of posts to tell my avid readers (all you shy ppl, shucks...) about who I am. And what I am. For starters, to enrich your otherwise pathetic lives (why else are you spending time reading a stranger's blog?): I can only mix around with the beautiful smart. So if you happen to be fat and ugly and low on the IQ, I don't care if you are the Pope reborn or the Dalai Lama, you have no sodding business with me and neither do I have anything to do with you. What kind of person you'll be attracted to in real life situation.. D. Horse - those are unbridled, untrammeled, and free In the process of courtship, which approach would make you feel irrisistable... B. Lion - straight-forward, just tell you he (she) loves you What impression you would like to give to your lover... B. Cat - stylish What incident would cause you break up with your partner which character you hate most... B. Snake - emotional, too moody; and you don't know how to please him/her What kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner... B. Horse - both of you can talk about everything and anything, no secret is kept Would you commit adultery... A. Human - you care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage What do you think about marriage... B. White Tiger - you think of marriage is a precious thing, once you get married, you'll treasure it and your partner very much At this moment, what do you think of Love... C. Horse - you dont' want to be tied by a steady relationship, you just want to flirt around from here Sunday, October 27, 2002
Nice sonnet ave. Thanks. Though I kinda feel the guy is so fearful of death, he's trying to be arrogant in its face. I won't be surprised if he died shortly after this poem from some terminal disease that made him bed-ridden and had to have his own ass wiped by his spouse after he crapped himself trying to get a fart out for 2 hours. Which reminds me: Confidence is like a squriming little bug under your thumb. Just when you thought you have your grip on it, it scutters away into some dusty corner, and to another when you look. But gaining it back, now there's the magic. Some spend a lifetimes trying to gain confidence. Some just woke up with it. Some thought they had it and realised they are only fooling themselves all along. Now what is sadder? To have no confidence throughout your life or to have thought you had it and be told you were deceiving no one but yourself? And if you lost it, if it runs away from under your desperate thumb, how then do you get it back? Now me? I drank a fifth of whiskey, had a horrible sleep (tossing like I was tuna in a pan) and woke up with it back where it belong. Then, the question is, am I lying to myself or am I really back to me old self? Hmmmm... Weekends do this kind of thing to me. Shuhui and Jiaying would understand perfectly... All the depression and feeling of 'duh' in the Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Oh, what would I have done without Jack Daniel? PS. Can you believe that I'm getting tired of fags? The kick is no longer there and I don't know why I'm still doing it. Maybe it's time to turn to Reds. But they taste horrible. Ah, the sacrifices I have to get some life in my life... Double PS. I'm being blasted on someone's blog as (and I quote) "fucking ******". The stars represent my name. Why? Cos I'm a star... =þ Anyhow... Blimey. Then again, when have I ever said that I wasn't a fucking ******? ;-) But by god, I feel like I'm a tool... The words 'spite' and 'crumpy little biscuits' immediately popped into my head. I will leave you with that thought, ladies and gentlemen, cos you don't expect me to spoon feed you when you are already being forced feed so much do you? Ha! ave a donneian petrarchan sonnet written in iambic pantameter with occasional trochaic feet. Death be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so, For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow, Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me. From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be, Much pleasure: then from thee much more must flow, And soonest our best men with thee do go, Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery. Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men, And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell; And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then? One short sleep past, we wake eternally, And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die. Wednesday, October 23, 2002
Friday, October 18, 2002
ave hello there. this was originally intended to be a surprise, with undertones of appreciation and glee. but apparently the mood i am in now does not facilitate my intention. of course this only means that the spirit while willing is entrapped in a weak earthly shell. weak, as well as sinful. sigh. there's a taste of life. I'm at work. I'm at work and it's 613pm local time. To be more precise, I'm at my workplace. Blimey. Official knock-off time is 500pm but today was one of those days where they scheduled a meeting at 500pm. I had to be the unlucky one (out of the two of us) to stay behind. Hold on, the meeting has ended. This is in real time. Unfortunately, the boss will be likely to stay back to do 30mins of actual work and 2 hours of newspaper reading. Which means he would 'kindly' offer to send me home. Doesn't help that he stinks and his car is 20 years old. And I have to pretend to enjoy conversation with him while giving him the idea that he's smarter than me. Not that I am definitely smarter than he is, but the idea is to make him feel superior to me. Apparently I don't feel that way. At least if he does send me home, I would be home faster. Ooh the pain of boredom... I need adrenalin rushes, maybe that's explains why I was having a 'lively' time even though today was one bloody busy day. But the aftermath is terrible. You feel sluggish and extremely irritated, all pumped up with energy and no way to expend it. Yet you feel lazy and tired, not wanting to do anything except sit there and moan about how boring everything is. Post Huang Cheng depression is an aggravated example of this. Formula: Boost of adrenalin + action + stuff to do + nothing to do afterwards = laziness + eventual depression. Unless of course I get stoned. Either through alcohol or fags. And I've run out of me fags. Brill... Thursday, October 17, 2002
Hooray Hoora... The car has been fixed and the driver is in place. Taking you for a ride will be a piece of cake... Monday, October 14, 2002
It worked! I must be some kind of genius... ... when in fact, I am a lazy genius. I knew that what I did to make this work would work along time ago, but I only did what I knew would make this work now instead of immediately at the time I know that doing what I did would make this work. 'Nuff said. Friday, October 04, 2002
Monday, September 23, 2002
Hear that? Nearly-impossible... I am too great. Saturday, September 21, 2002
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com Why am I Arnie??  What Planet Are You From? this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim What can I say? I'm here to entertain. But thanks, Aveline! Really. Just keep that nero burning... Eh hem...  i tend to speak in riddles, and getting a straight answer out of me is indeed a notable moment. while i may act a little crazy, i am actually quite lucid and tend to be the voice of reason. my sanity is in a good balance with my insanity. target="new" title="we're all mad here">how mad are you? this quiz was made by piksy Combine this one with the first one and you have a god - Me. I mean seriously, this looks good. Don't you think? Wednesday, September 18, 2002
Hey man... saw that you've got yourself a new blog friend... ahhh... your writing is finally bein' appreciated by the masses... or startin' to be =] ~Kai~ Friday, September 13, 2002
Sorry for not doing anything for 3 days. There is such a thing called work in this world. Or rather, National Service. Add that to the fact that internet time costs money, something I am in short supply of. And also I got addicted to the 9.00pm Channel 8 show. Oh Jacelyn Tay's character (Danchun, which means innocent in Chinese) is quite like the lass I'm eyeing now. Let's call her XYZ for easy reference. In fact, it was her who alerted me to this show and this character, asking if I felt she and Danchun were similar. And I suppose I'm watching the show for her (XYZ) now. It's silly and I realise it. Stupid to watch a show just for a girl. But I'm a die-hard romantic and I'm too idealistic for my own good. All this means that this bout of love bug will reduce me to a raw slab of battered meat at the end of the day. I've done some thinking on the bus trip home and I understood why I fail at this relationship thing while other young punks will already have gone through a gross of 'sayangs'. It's simple. I'm too smart. Tis true you must know. I think too much about relationships and I place too much importance and significance on it. While the punks I've mentioned have the thinking that they can jump into any relationship because if it doesn't work out, there will be another one, I, on the other hand, am looking for something more meaningful and longer-lasting. And I respect the opposite sex too much. If the object of desire of young punk were to reject him the first time, the punk is likely to just press on, coaxing her and giving heaps upon heaps of life philosophy and reasons, trying to convince her to give him a chance. Instead, what I does is to back down at the first rejection. Agreed that it may appear as if I am a quitter, that I am a wuss who just run at the first sign of resistance. But the reason I do that is because I believe in the idea that love is a two-way street. If I laid out my cards and you tell me that there is no chance, I will leave it at that. You have made a choice and I respect that enough to not attempt to confuse and trick you into something that would probably end in misery. Let's see, I am really coming out as a loser in love here. First girl I confessed to, I left her a voice message on her pager. Got rejected. Second girl, I nervously gave her a letter (I was young and stupid...!). She never made her stand clear. We never talked again too. Third girl (and they say third time's the charm... Ho ho ho...), I confessed through sms. Didn't work out either. Also was the hardest one of the three. Fourth girl... We'll see. But I intend to do it face to face if it comes to that. And then, I would have nearly covered all forms of communication short of fax and email. I sound like a loser. I probably am. All for giving more thought and respect to something that the seemingly successful ones don't really give much sodding care about. Maybe I too should not care so much and just trick naive girls into a relationship. Nah, I could never do that simply because I would not be able to get what I want from that kind of relationship. Right, aren't I a bloody gentleman. Hah. Why do I like XYZ. For this first time I took effort to think about this. And for the first time I did not give the cliche reason, "I don't know why I like her. I just got that special kind of feeling." These are some of the reasons I found: I like her strong, unwavering character. I like her honesty. I like her innocence. I like how she does not play to other people. I like her cheerfulnees. I like her spirit. I like her smile. I like her tenacity. I like her frown. I like her flaws. I like how she still has that 'hai2 zi3 qi4". Has anyone puked their rings out yet? Guess I got a little carried away. I was smiling all the while I typed that. I have to admit this is not a side I show often. And I haven't shown this side for many months. This is the underbelly of my armadillo. Have fun poking. Tuesday, September 10, 2002
 Your magical style is Witch. What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox Interesting... That can only mean that I am fucking up my own life. Arsehole.  You are a siren. What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox Great... Logical fallacy here. You are giving me two extremes when there is actually a middle ground. Now that you mentioned it, I forgot about Rudy. Rudy's Rowdy Kitchen or something like that. And hey, you should know that in the bastard business, I am more likely to turn and bite than most people out there. Though I'm one of those subtle bastards. Those that people REALLY hate. Anyway, I'll be writing up an IOU for that guy. Autumn? But I'm not old... Oh you mean the real kind of autumn... Nah, I think it's just life reminding you that you are not all powerful. Crap. But all's well so far. Been sms-ing her quite a bit. As in, last time not so close to her so don't really talk much or sms much. But these few days (actually only 1 day) have been pretty fine. If I don't succeed, at least got one more friend. Unless I confess, THEN I flop on my face. That is like, hrm............. Maybe I'm just getting bored and lonely. My family situation is stagnant now, nearer the 'Totally Fucked-up' end of the family happiness meter. So work doesn't give me pleasure, and home doesn't give me release. Somehow this still doesn't lead to 'developing-feelings-for-this-girl-I-knew-for-some-time-but-wasn't-really-close-to', but it's my own quirky logic lah. I think I've improved somewhat. Last time I would most likely avoid and avoid and hide and get paranoid and hide and avoid and etc... But hey! I'm taking the initiative to sms her! Cool... I rock! Ah-hem. Watched the Emmy-nominated (key word is 'nominated') documentary last night. Honestly, I think it's pretty pointless. It's just shows over and over and over again various videos and pictures of the event. We get like 10 (seriously that many) shots of the South Tower collapsing. It's shocking yes, and it brought back all those 'what the --!!' feelings that I had one year ago, but what's the point here? Yea I know, the documentary is supposed to show the event through the eyes of Former New York Mayor and the citizens of New York City. Somehow I felt that was overkill. One and a half hours of video and pictures. The bits I liked best were the few shots of the firemen and police and even the construction workers rolling down the streets with their vehicles, all dust-covered and weary and looking like shit, and they were greeted by miles (nearly) of people standing at the curbs, waving signs saying 'THANK YOU' or 'OUR HEROES'. That was kinda heart-warming even for me. There was this guy who was just standing there and taking a camera (not news crew though) and he was shouting to a fire engine passing him. He just kept shouting 'Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!'. He looked pretty emotional too. Neat. Another one that I liked was this shot taken after both towers collapsed. There was a couple of firemen and maybe one or two police officers and they were walking down some street (the streets all looked the same after being covered with the dust et al). I think they were walking towards Ground Zero and about to help out. And behind them, you see 10, maybe 20 other CIVILIANS, all covered in dust, some even injured. But they automatically started following the firemen and the police officers. All had the look of dead determination and the narration was mentioning about how the civilians just helped as much as they could even though they were victims themselves. Neat number two. Other than that, Rudolph (the mayor... ok the EX-mayor) didn't cry on camera, they showed a few funerals and wakes in progress (at that time lah!), and well that's about all. I know one emmy that show would never get nominated for - Cinematography. Ok ok bad joke. Well... Sigh... So that's that then. Let's hope that nothing else would happen again this year, else I think we'll have to sell our house and start living under the Shears bridge. Peachy. Welcome back manz... been missin' your updates. Maybe you can get dear 'ol Rudy (reminds me of that ol' fogey on Survivor) to sign an IOU... you never know who can turn out to be a bastard eh? Ahh... love life... yah yah, I'm interested (I'm gossip-blur but genuine cases are more than welcome). I know her? Reveal only if U wanna yo. Haha... welcome to the club... is this lovelorn thing an Autumn thang?? ~Kai~ Monday, September 09, 2002
Since the last time I took a vacation from this blog, I've also received something else from UCAS. It's a some sort of newsletter about clearing. To explain, clearing is what the folks there do to the people who could not get into the UK uni of their choice because their results were too lousy. My results were not too lousy. My money was. Too bad too bad... Maybe if I start selling the mail I get from UCAS I can get enough dough to send me over to the UK. Ho. Ho. Ho. I just kill myself with my jokes. Yesterday was about as eventful as a snail race. ALTHOUGH.... I 'sold' my MD to this guy called Rudy. He said he will call me last night to confirm the meeting place etc. He didn't call, obviously. But he did today! And he wants to get it, only if I allow him to pay me in 2 installments of $100 (doesn't take a bloody genius to realise I sold it for $200 now, does it?). My alarm went off for a while, but I agreed. Hell, I can use the money. So tomorrow I'm supposed to meet him and pass him the stuff. And tomorrow is the day I'm supposed to be on leave. Funny how life throws these things at you. But heck it, I'm gonna say that I'll be on duty and I can't make it tomorrow, so too bad Rudy. =þ And get this (Kai, you should be soooo interested...), my heart started moving again. Kind of. As in I'm starting to have feelings for someone esle again. Yes, yes... Kinda think that this is the ONLY bloody area I haven't had any success in thus far. Sod it... But no details other than that you know her too, Kai... I don't think I'm going to take any action or do what I did last time. I think I will leave her alone. Cos she's young and innocent and I'm like... this. I honestly feel that this time round, I would be able to 'get' her though. Unusual confidence from me, but I think if I tried, I have a good chance. Either that or I am seriously delusional. I've been debating whether I should try or not, and well... I only 'think' I should leave her alone. My world was actually looking pretty dandy until this. Oh shit. Sunday, September 08, 2002
Howdy. It's been too fucking long since I came back to this thing. It's weird how it is. I leave it for months and then out of nowhere I find the fire to start writing nearly everyday. Then I leave it for another 2 months... nearly. But I'm back, at least for today. So the big Q is, "What the bloody hell have you been doing since July the 26th when you decide to go for an unannounced hiatus?!" Right. I can sum up the activites of the past month or so with these: 1) Type 2) Print what I typed 3) Fax what I printed 4) Come home and rot 5) Worry about money Technically, the above 5 activites is what I have been doing since April, since I enlisted into NS. Beautiful life really. Oh yea, about the chest pains? Not long after the last post, I succumbed and went to a doctor. He said it was muscle pain (very funny doc, like I lift weights with my nipples), gave me some meds and told me to go suffer somewhere else. Needless to say, until today, there are still some isolated cases of chest pain. But I live. I'm not worried that I'll be dead tomorrow or something sodding ridiculous like that. The stuff. Namely, the bunch of comics that was supposed to be sent out aeons ago. The good news is they finally arrived. The bad news is they arrived smelling like that they spent 2 months on a ship... Oh wait, they did. Now, the worse news is that a few days before the stuff arrived, I've written a letter to my bank to request that they get my money back. Since, the bank has sent me a letter, saying they are looking into this matter and will let me know if anything pops up. So I got the goods, and I'm trying to get my money back at the same time. Rationally speaking, I should have called the bank and told them to stop disputing these transactions (to use bank jargon). But, I saw no wrong in not doing anything and hope the bank succeeds and brings me back my $500++. Immoral as it may be, I don't give a piss about it. Problem now is, if the bank knows that I got the package, and yet I still tried to get the money from them, I might land myself in some legal troubles. Worse if they discovered I cheated them only AFTER they got my money back. Nice eh, it's about time I get some courtroom action anyhow. But I don't care. I'm letting this ride out. If I get my money and they never found out, great! If they charge me with attempted fraud, then I'll start to panic. Not very wise, what I'm doing, so don't try this kids. Oh did you know that the Prime Minister has more or less fucked himself bad during the National Day Rally Speech? The bloody idiot has got himself in a fix, branding people who migrate as "quitters" and people who don't as "stayers", and how the stayers ought to be considered saints while the quitters should be eating shit. The prat has got it made I tell you. Generally everyone has something to say about this labelling of Singaporeans. And most of them are nasty. I for one think the PM has really gotten himself in some deep shit. ERP prices increases, CPF reduces, GST increases, Paycheck reduces. And now this. As much as the PM is SUPPOSEDLY trying to get S'poreans thinking about the staying/quitting issue, I think he has just breeded a hell lot more "quitters" single-handedly in one speech then the govt did in 37 years of independence. Hahaha... Talk about the mother of back-fires. Anyway, Sep 11 is peeking around the corner, and I took leave on that day as well. Nifty. I'll be back again. And maybe I might let in on what I've been 'researching' recently. See you mates. Friday, July 26, 2002
Ah. Today I went back to school to collect my A level certificate. During my lunch time no less. What a bloody waste of time it was really. Less than a minute to collect the cert. More than an hour to get there and back. Ah sick... And finally I received the clearing letter from UCAS. About time too. Finally I can stop receiving mail from them bugging me to buy laptops or notes and textbooks. And my chest pains? The good news is that I've gotten used to them so they are no longer that sharp. The bad news is that the pains now strike both sides of the chest. Definitely something like lung infection, considering that I am still coughing and all. Erm... I am broke. I have $6 to use until the next pay day, which will be the 10th of August. Ugh. And the stuff still haven't come yet. That's right. Time to start panicking a little. What does it take to have a little happiness? Shucks... I can't watch a girl go by nowadays and not think of holding her hand and imagining her as my girl. It's perverse and sick the way I do this nearly everytime I see a pretty girl walk by. Guess the hormones are finally waking up. Oooh, the connotations. Anyhow, there are more durians today! 7 of them. I think this is the first durian season that I have been eating so many of them. My throat is going to be shot to hell after this I'm sure. At least I'll have a sexy husky voice. Oooh the hormones... I am so self-centered and just so selfish. When will I learn? Probably never. This is bad stuff. I'm lonely, I hate going to work, I hate coming back home, I'm broke and yet still buying expensive stuff, I'm letting my brain rot to hell and finally I am not healthy. Did I mention I am so full of self-pity too? Can I ever end my posts with something nice? Stay tuned mates... Wednesday, July 24, 2002
I have no idea what is wrong with this world. Yesterday I received ANOTHER (probably the 400th one) letter from UK, this time from Lancaster, telling me that they are having a meet the prospective student session somewhere. It pisses me right off. I have submitted the reply form, saying I am rejecting all offers long ago! And still I get so much mail. I suppose UCAS is not as efficient as I had wanted it to be. What a bloody waste of money. The thing was, the letter brought back some memories. Specifically, those of the day when I got my A levels results and the immediate months after. That was devastating. I was on all counts, the lousiest in my whole class. The one with the worst results. The one who is at the bottom. BBBB. And my chance of studying overseas are dashed just like that. But it didn't really stop me from applying all those scholarships did it? Wasted all the time and effort too. But I suppose it was the best. In hindsight, I didn't think Econs would be my thing. But then again, some time in the future, I would probably think that going into Arts and Social Sciences is the worst possible decision of my life. That is my nature. But all in all, I am disappointed that I could not go overseas and get 'exposed' to the world. To be free... But if I had really gone and done Econs, I guess then it would be a matter of time before I slit my wrists or jumped off a nice Cathedral somewhere. Maybe this is what they call a blessing in disguise. But come on, do I really have to get BBBB?? Oh yes. I have done some research and asking around and these are some of the possiblities to explain my chest pains: 1) I have heart disease and I am going to die soon. (Well not really. This was something I thought up.) 2) MVP (Micro Valve something. I have no idea what this is.) 3) Muscle cramp (From exercising too much. This is probably the least likely since I DON'T exercise.) 4) Sucking chest wound (Oh wait. My mistake. This is what would happen if I put a bullet through my chest.) 5) Lung infection (Sounds most likely.) 6) Something that is harmless and will never be found out even if I have myself opened up, my heart dissected and tested. My opinion? Ha. Ha. So there you have it. Most of them do not really lead to agonising deaths but the lung infection sounded most serious as that could really lead to death. So I suppose it will be a matter of time before I go to the doc's to find out what the bleeding hell is wrong with my chest. Ah. Sigh. This has been a rotten week so far. The other NSF who is supposed to do duty with me together? His grandmother died last week and was given compassionate 'off' by my boss from 18th to 23th. Which means he should be back today. But we were informed that he has a 2 day MC now. Which now means I have to do 2 more bloody days of duty. Since the 18th, it is nearly a week of getting up early and returning home after the sun had gone down. And I have been ridiculously busy today! Something must be testing my patience. The duties (had my officer not told me to leave first today, I could have been staying at the offices till 7+, which means I'll be home at 9++), the workload, the high expectation of me to do all the stuff fast and without mistakes, and the total disregard of my human rights. I mean half the office (my direct superior included) leave at 5pm SHARP. And I have to stay back everyday to lock up their stuff. And the next morning I have to be there earlier than them to unlock their things. And I am expected to not make a single spelling error or typo, be PROACTIVE (in the words of my direct superior), ALERT (once again her words...) and fast and efficient and not complain!! I am a human. I serve the country now (albeit TOTALLY against my bloody will and common sense), not my boss or my department. Yet I am severly underpaid while expected to put as much effort into everything I do as any other regular or DXO, who gets a SALARY that is at least 3 times more than my ALLOWANCE. Sure, those are duties and responsibilities given to me and I am expected to perform them. But there are two huge points that the supposedly brilliant SAF organisation conveniently turns a blind eye to: 1) I did not seek these responsibilities nor do I have a choice to accept them or not. 2) I do not do this for a living. Yet the expectation is of me to throw myself into my work as if my life truly depended on it, and to not feel that I am being taken advantaged of by being given a beautiful $350 a month. They treat me as a modern slave. That is the bottomline. I am a slave. ESS-ELLE-AY-VEE-YEE. SAF = Serve and Fuck-off Singapore and SAF should be proud that they have changed my goals in life. Now, one of my very main long term goal is to fuck out of this country and live elsewhere. Migrate. And if and when I do, Singapore happens to be destroyed by Malaysia or be economically crippled by its own government, so be it. I don't give a shit. All thanks to Singapore. Cheerio! Monday, July 22, 2002
The cough's there... Still... Nothing amazing about that... What might be amazing would be if it had gone away. Just. Like. That. So what happened today? Nothnig much. Still no DVD to test the player with. Really exciting business there. The let-down. Nothing in the mail, so nothing worth noticing there. Though the junk mail seems to be leaking from into my mailbox from the mailbox just above mine. And it's much too inside the box for the lazy me to reach in to take. Oh yeah. Just remembered. Been having these sharp stabbing pains in my chest. The left side to be exact. Just below the collarbone. It stings. Just a sharp piercing pain that lasts less than a second. And then it's gone. It hits whenever it likes. And just today, I had a blacking out sensation as I had another one of those attacks. Seriously, I don't know what the heck those are and I AM too bloody lazy to actually go see a doc about it. It's been there for about a week. Guess I would go see a doc about it. As for when, I cannot say. Hmm... What else? Nothing else. That's it. That's today for you. Ta-ta. Sunday, July 21, 2002
Well hello guys. Being a while hasn't it? You know how it is. Army and life and laziness. I think if I weren't lazy, I wouldn't be me. Honestly, the only bloody thing constant about me is how lazy I am. Take my current state of sickness for example. I started with a fever in the middle of the night, which made me wake up and have the fan on me even though the aircon was on. But I didn't see a doctor. Too far to walk down the stairs to the Medical Office. Actually it was the walking back up that really put me off. No biggy. The fever went away 2 days later... To be replaced by a beautiful dry cough. Just this morning I had the pleasure of seeing dark green phlem being blown out of my nose. The phlem was really thick. I will spare the details of how I know it's gooeiness. And I still am not going to the doctor's. That said and done, I don't think I am doning anything to help my condition at all. For the past few days, I've been eating durians and more durians. Fried food, frozen food and 'heaty' food. Sure helps keep the green of my phlem up I say. And we got a DVD player! Sure is funny why my father nearly preaches to me eveyday about how he will be losing his job and how expenses are piling up everyday. His solution? Go out and get a DVD player. The funniest thing is, he now comments on the ridiculous prices of DVDs and I'm guessing it would take a miracle before he gets one. So he spends the money to get a player only to not get stuff that it player plays. Ah whatever. It's not like I'm a thrifty bastard. Nearly $600 for a pile of comics. And it hasn't arrived yet. I'm just all comfortable seeing my bank account decrease and the stuff not coming in. Ever noticed how long strips of sea coconut are just made for turning into disgusting bits of something. They sure look like worms enough. Cut them into odd shapes and dunk them in red food dye and I'm sure a good impersonation of Hannibal Lecter won't be far away. But that's just what I think. Ugh. When will I get well? I just hate those coughing spells where the phlem tickles your throat and you have to cough it away or drink something to make it better? Can be so not helpful to you on the bus or in the office, which is just stock full of people who keeps telling you to go to the doctor's.... before you spread the disease to them. Well they won't get sick because of me, because this bout of health lowness is brought on by a marathon of fried food and heaty stuff. I had knew I was going to be sick the night I got the fever. I wasn't disappointed... Later chaps... Wednesday, July 17, 2002
Saturday, July 06, 2002
 What Was Your PastLife?
 Take the Purrsonality Quiz! Tuesday, June 25, 2002
Haven't been updatin' on your life? Kaypoh me just droppin' in to jibe you into exposin' more about your life... ~Kai~ Saturday, June 15, 2002
 href="http://www.ummhmm.net/index.shtml">what poo are you?  The idealistic speechwriter is well-liked by just about everyone. He's known for his excellent writing, sense of humor, and tendency to be clutzy. Although being younger than the rest of the staff, he's often treated as so, much to his dismay. :: Which West Wing character are you? ::   what sexual performer are you?  what microsoft OS are you? Saturday, June 08, 2002
  Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz border=1> Saturday, May 25, 2002
One month and this is what i have been up to...  which Episode II character are you? Senator Palpatine. First acquaintances do not see you for who you really are. You have a great power inside you, and are already beginning to manipulate those around you. You cannot stand do-gooders and are plotting against everybody to finally get what it is that you want. Power. In order to gain power, you need someone strong and intelligent - and there is one....  You are a dreamer. Constantly filling your mind with fantasies, you withdraw inside yourself in order to experience these more clearly. You dislike people and the distractions they cause. You are eccentric and lack a firm grasp on reality. You experience a wide range of emotions, and can often times be dangerous to yourself and others. You need to focus more on the real world. Your song is: Solitary Shell Which degree of inner turbulence are you? This quiz was made by Dionae OR I AM THIS:  You have high standards for yourself, and try desperately to live up to them. But when you are unable to reach those goals, you fall into a deep depression. People see you as a brilliant person, yet inside, you are full of self-doubt and fear of failure. You need to set more reasonable goals. Your song is: About to Crash Which degree of inner turbulence are you? This quiz was made by Dionae ya that's all... |
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