Wipe the slate clean... |
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Friday, July 26, 2002
Ah. Today I went back to school to collect my A level certificate. During my lunch time no less. What a bloody waste of time it was really. Less than a minute to collect the cert. More than an hour to get there and back. Ah sick... And finally I received the clearing letter from UCAS. About time too. Finally I can stop receiving mail from them bugging me to buy laptops or notes and textbooks. And my chest pains? The good news is that I've gotten used to them so they are no longer that sharp. The bad news is that the pains now strike both sides of the chest. Definitely something like lung infection, considering that I am still coughing and all. Erm... I am broke. I have $6 to use until the next pay day, which will be the 10th of August. Ugh. And the stuff still haven't come yet. That's right. Time to start panicking a little. What does it take to have a little happiness? Shucks... I can't watch a girl go by nowadays and not think of holding her hand and imagining her as my girl. It's perverse and sick the way I do this nearly everytime I see a pretty girl walk by. Guess the hormones are finally waking up. Oooh, the connotations. Anyhow, there are more durians today! 7 of them. I think this is the first durian season that I have been eating so many of them. My throat is going to be shot to hell after this I'm sure. At least I'll have a sexy husky voice. Oooh the hormones... I am so self-centered and just so selfish. When will I learn? Probably never. This is bad stuff. I'm lonely, I hate going to work, I hate coming back home, I'm broke and yet still buying expensive stuff, I'm letting my brain rot to hell and finally I am not healthy. Did I mention I am so full of self-pity too? Can I ever end my posts with something nice? Stay tuned mates... Wednesday, July 24, 2002
I have no idea what is wrong with this world. Yesterday I received ANOTHER (probably the 400th one) letter from UK, this time from Lancaster, telling me that they are having a meet the prospective student session somewhere. It pisses me right off. I have submitted the reply form, saying I am rejecting all offers long ago! And still I get so much mail. I suppose UCAS is not as efficient as I had wanted it to be. What a bloody waste of money. The thing was, the letter brought back some memories. Specifically, those of the day when I got my A levels results and the immediate months after. That was devastating. I was on all counts, the lousiest in my whole class. The one with the worst results. The one who is at the bottom. BBBB. And my chance of studying overseas are dashed just like that. But it didn't really stop me from applying all those scholarships did it? Wasted all the time and effort too. But I suppose it was the best. In hindsight, I didn't think Econs would be my thing. But then again, some time in the future, I would probably think that going into Arts and Social Sciences is the worst possible decision of my life. That is my nature. But all in all, I am disappointed that I could not go overseas and get 'exposed' to the world. To be free... But if I had really gone and done Econs, I guess then it would be a matter of time before I slit my wrists or jumped off a nice Cathedral somewhere. Maybe this is what they call a blessing in disguise. But come on, do I really have to get BBBB?? Oh yes. I have done some research and asking around and these are some of the possiblities to explain my chest pains: 1) I have heart disease and I am going to die soon. (Well not really. This was something I thought up.) 2) MVP (Micro Valve something. I have no idea what this is.) 3) Muscle cramp (From exercising too much. This is probably the least likely since I DON'T exercise.) 4) Sucking chest wound (Oh wait. My mistake. This is what would happen if I put a bullet through my chest.) 5) Lung infection (Sounds most likely.) 6) Something that is harmless and will never be found out even if I have myself opened up, my heart dissected and tested. My opinion? Ha. Ha. So there you have it. Most of them do not really lead to agonising deaths but the lung infection sounded most serious as that could really lead to death. So I suppose it will be a matter of time before I go to the doc's to find out what the bleeding hell is wrong with my chest. Ah. Sigh. This has been a rotten week so far. The other NSF who is supposed to do duty with me together? His grandmother died last week and was given compassionate 'off' by my boss from 18th to 23th. Which means he should be back today. But we were informed that he has a 2 day MC now. Which now means I have to do 2 more bloody days of duty. Since the 18th, it is nearly a week of getting up early and returning home after the sun had gone down. And I have been ridiculously busy today! Something must be testing my patience. The duties (had my officer not told me to leave first today, I could have been staying at the offices till 7+, which means I'll be home at 9++), the workload, the high expectation of me to do all the stuff fast and without mistakes, and the total disregard of my human rights. I mean half the office (my direct superior included) leave at 5pm SHARP. And I have to stay back everyday to lock up their stuff. And the next morning I have to be there earlier than them to unlock their things. And I am expected to not make a single spelling error or typo, be PROACTIVE (in the words of my direct superior), ALERT (once again her words...) and fast and efficient and not complain!! I am a human. I serve the country now (albeit TOTALLY against my bloody will and common sense), not my boss or my department. Yet I am severly underpaid while expected to put as much effort into everything I do as any other regular or DXO, who gets a SALARY that is at least 3 times more than my ALLOWANCE. Sure, those are duties and responsibilities given to me and I am expected to perform them. But there are two huge points that the supposedly brilliant SAF organisation conveniently turns a blind eye to: 1) I did not seek these responsibilities nor do I have a choice to accept them or not. 2) I do not do this for a living. Yet the expectation is of me to throw myself into my work as if my life truly depended on it, and to not feel that I am being taken advantaged of by being given a beautiful $350 a month. They treat me as a modern slave. That is the bottomline. I am a slave. ESS-ELLE-AY-VEE-YEE. SAF = Serve and Fuck-off Singapore and SAF should be proud that they have changed my goals in life. Now, one of my very main long term goal is to fuck out of this country and live elsewhere. Migrate. And if and when I do, Singapore happens to be destroyed by Malaysia or be economically crippled by its own government, so be it. I don't give a shit. All thanks to Singapore. Cheerio! Monday, July 22, 2002
The cough's there... Still... Nothing amazing about that... What might be amazing would be if it had gone away. Just. Like. That. So what happened today? Nothnig much. Still no DVD to test the player with. Really exciting business there. The let-down. Nothing in the mail, so nothing worth noticing there. Though the junk mail seems to be leaking from into my mailbox from the mailbox just above mine. And it's much too inside the box for the lazy me to reach in to take. Oh yeah. Just remembered. Been having these sharp stabbing pains in my chest. The left side to be exact. Just below the collarbone. It stings. Just a sharp piercing pain that lasts less than a second. And then it's gone. It hits whenever it likes. And just today, I had a blacking out sensation as I had another one of those attacks. Seriously, I don't know what the heck those are and I AM too bloody lazy to actually go see a doc about it. It's been there for about a week. Guess I would go see a doc about it. As for when, I cannot say. Hmm... What else? Nothing else. That's it. That's today for you. Ta-ta. Sunday, July 21, 2002
Well hello guys. Being a while hasn't it? You know how it is. Army and life and laziness. I think if I weren't lazy, I wouldn't be me. Honestly, the only bloody thing constant about me is how lazy I am. Take my current state of sickness for example. I started with a fever in the middle of the night, which made me wake up and have the fan on me even though the aircon was on. But I didn't see a doctor. Too far to walk down the stairs to the Medical Office. Actually it was the walking back up that really put me off. No biggy. The fever went away 2 days later... To be replaced by a beautiful dry cough. Just this morning I had the pleasure of seeing dark green phlem being blown out of my nose. The phlem was really thick. I will spare the details of how I know it's gooeiness. And I still am not going to the doctor's. That said and done, I don't think I am doning anything to help my condition at all. For the past few days, I've been eating durians and more durians. Fried food, frozen food and 'heaty' food. Sure helps keep the green of my phlem up I say. And we got a DVD player! Sure is funny why my father nearly preaches to me eveyday about how he will be losing his job and how expenses are piling up everyday. His solution? Go out and get a DVD player. The funniest thing is, he now comments on the ridiculous prices of DVDs and I'm guessing it would take a miracle before he gets one. So he spends the money to get a player only to not get stuff that it player plays. Ah whatever. It's not like I'm a thrifty bastard. Nearly $600 for a pile of comics. And it hasn't arrived yet. I'm just all comfortable seeing my bank account decrease and the stuff not coming in. Ever noticed how long strips of sea coconut are just made for turning into disgusting bits of something. They sure look like worms enough. Cut them into odd shapes and dunk them in red food dye and I'm sure a good impersonation of Hannibal Lecter won't be far away. But that's just what I think. Ugh. When will I get well? I just hate those coughing spells where the phlem tickles your throat and you have to cough it away or drink something to make it better? Can be so not helpful to you on the bus or in the office, which is just stock full of people who keeps telling you to go to the doctor's.... before you spread the disease to them. Well they won't get sick because of me, because this bout of health lowness is brought on by a marathon of fried food and heaty stuff. I had knew I was going to be sick the night I got the fever. I wasn't disappointed... Later chaps... Wednesday, July 17, 2002
Saturday, July 06, 2002
 What Was Your PastLife?
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